Hey lovely people,
I honestly don’t know where to go with this post, but here goes.
I know it’s been two weeks since I posted, but if you read my Sunday Post and the Life Update, you’ll know that my dad has been in hospice since August even though he didn’t want to, it would give him a comfortable and dignified death at home.
Well, sadly that didn’t happen.
On Sunday, October 11, my brother did visit my dad and the whole family, and about 30 minutes after my brother left for the night, my dad started to complain about difficulty breathing and requested that we call 911 so he could go to the hospital. My mom called 911 and not even five minutes later (or was it 10 minutes later), the paramedics arrive at the house, assess my dad, and take him to the hospital, with my mom driving because of COVID rules stating that nobody else could share the ambulance ride with him. I had a massive panic attack because I thought that would be the last time I would see my dad. Luckily, that was wrong and my mom came home the next morning, and I drove to the hospital separate from her to see my dad. He was doing okay then, but he could barely talk because of the morphine that they had infused in him along with the regular IV drip. I left at around 3 to do some grocery shopping, and then went in the hospital the next day before work to see him, where he was doing okay, just had some difficulty breathing but the normal kind.
About an hour before I had to leave, I received a text message from my mom saying that there had been an emergency and that my dad was undergoing palliative sedation, where he wouldn’t wake up. I called her at work and my mom said he was given a few hours or a few days. At this point, I’m sending frantic panicked texts to my managers (who are the absolute best and let me take until Monday off, which is when I go back, but changes pending), and decide to leave early and essentially haul ass to the hospital because at this point as I’m hysterically crying all the way there (how I didn’t get pulled over or hit anything or anyone is beyond me) because I’m trying to get there before my dad dies.
My dad had been moved to a hospice unit at this time, and was breathing really hard as the nurse came and got me into the room, and I stay until 10:45 pm just to say goodbye to my dad because I don’t like sleeping in hospitals and I wanted to give my mom and him some privacy.
About 4 hours later, my dad sadly passed away at 2:50 am (today, October 14). He was 63.
I spent every possible moment with him before work and on my off days because I wanted to wait until it was an actual emergency, but it happened anyway. It’s so funny how someone could go from being okay to being dead in a matter of hours, and even though today is the first day that I’m living without him, it’s extremely f**king hard, especially with my birthday being 11 days away.
I’ve decided to take a hiatus from this blog for the forseeable future to allow myself to grieve. I do have some posts in my drafts which I probably will put up, but for now, if you follow me on Twitter you will mainly see old posts being re-promoted. Just know in the future, if you do see happy go lucky posts about eyeshadows and lipsticks, just know I am not, and will not be for a long time.